For the last couple of weeks (and really, extending into the last couple of months if we count all the putting-it-off I did), I’ve been torn about a decision. Either choice led to the same outcome, they were just different ways of getting there.
That said, it wasn’t trivial. Both options involved travel, timelines and approvals I have no control over, paperwork, time away from my friends and my two best boys (Brent and Max), and more. Yoga has taught me that there’s no wrong answer, but still, I found myself stuck.
I debated. I researched. I consulted trusted friends. But you know what I didn’t do?
Yoga.
I knew I needed to. I craved some time on the mat. My habit of doing so was already in place, yet I managed to avoid it.
For some reason, it felt uncomfortable. I knew yoga would help me make my decision, and maybe I didn’t want it to do that. Maybe I knew what it was going to tell me.
I didn’t do yoga for about five days.
My body was complaining. My mind was begging for a resolution so I could move on with my life and tackle the other projects that needed my time and attention.
Finally, I woke up one day and told myself that staring at the websites side-by-side and talking to my sister was not getting me any closer to the answer I was desperately needing. I got on the mat. I had to force myself there. But I did it.
The next day, I made my decision. And I felt good about it.
It didn’t suddenly come to me in the middle of a downward dog. But that yoga time, MY time, calmed me down, reminded me that I’m safe, that there’s no wrong choice.
Why is it so hard to practice yoga when we need it the most?
I think it’s because we know what that time on the mat can do for us, and let’s be honest: sometimes, in the middle of a tough choice, we already know exactly what we should do….we just don’t want to do it because it’s hard or uncomfortable. Yoga puts that all up in our face and doesn’t let us hide from it anymore.
This wasn’t so extreme, because in this case both options lead to the same outcome, but many of our big decisions present two very different paths. And it seems like so very often, the one we want isn’t the one that’s best for us.
I wish there was some simple, clever trick I could offer you that would get you on the mat when you need it most, but there’s nothing I can think of. For me, I had to get honest with myself and, even though I don’t really like this word in relation to yoga, “force” myself onto the mat. It was a determined decision to practice despite not feeling like it.
And that’s what I encourage you to do in the midst of making a tough decision. First, make the decision to get on the mat. Then see what happens with your other decision.